Mama
by TheSongSmith
Summary: A little mother/son one shot, because why not?


**So...I was in a fluffy mood the other day, and I was really surprised how little family fluff there is with Jasper and Esme. I always kind of assumed they were close in their own way, so I thought I'd try my hand at a mother/son oneshot. Enjoy!**

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**EPOV**

I smile to myself, putting the finishing touches on a new house I've been designing. I sit back in my chair, finally satisfied, as Jasper walks through the door, back from his walk. "Hi Jasper," I greet him. He looks over at me, noticing the blueprint on the table.

"Hi Esme. Finally finish that design?"

I smile. "I have. What do you think?"

He looks it over for a moment. "It looks nice. I like the porch."

"Thank you. I like it too. How was your walk?" I ask.

Jasper smiles. Walking on his own was how he found peace. "It was nice. All the flowers are starting to bloom. There's a pretty meadow just north of here. You should see it sometime."

I nod. "Well maybe we'll go together sometime."

He shrugs. "Sure. I'll be upstairs if you need me." He trudges upstairs to her room, closing the door behind him. I can hear him rummaging in drawers, looking for something, before the clatter of something metal on the floor and a pained noise.

Before I can go investigate, Jasper flees past me and straight through the glass of the door before disappearing into the woods. I start going after him, then reconsider. It's probably a good idea to get an idea of what caused such a change in him before I go. Besides, pursuing him in such a state could make his panic worse. Instead, I run upstairs to his room to find the source of his alarm. I find nothing out of place except a drawer left open, the clothes pushed haphazardly to one side. Something bright catches my eye, and I find a small locket on the floor. I pick it up, examining it closely for a moment before gently opening it. There's an old black and white picture of a woman inside, but no indication of who she is, or why she might cause Jasper to flee. I pocket the necklace before walking after him, stepping over the shattered glass. I follow his trail north into the woods until it disappears, wondering where he might have gone. While overcome by emotion, Jasper is unpredictable, but he mentioned a meadow north of the house. Perhaps in his distress he fled there, hoping to reign in his emotions. I slow to a walk, noticing small signs of him, sure I'm headed in the right direction. After a few miles, the trees open up into the meadow he mentioned, where the flowers are blooming. I stop, searching the field, but don't see him. Suddenly, I hear a soft whimper. Silently moving towards the sound, I find my son curled up on the ground on the bank of a small stream, looking more lost than I've ever seen him. Small, pained noises escape him as I slowly kneel beside him. "Jasper? Sweetheart?" I murmur. He doesn't give any indication of noticing me.

I slowly reach over, gently touching his shoulder, but he still seems to be staring through me. "I'm sorry," he murmurs to himself. "I'm so sorry…it's my fault…I'm sorry…"

"Shh Jasper. It's okay. You have nothing to be sorry for." He doesn't respond, continuing to talk to himself, clearly somewhere else entirely.

"My fault…" he says again.

I gently pick him up, settling him in my lap and holding him against me. "What's your fault, Jasper?"

"She's dead…" he mumbles. "Oh God…I'm so sorry…" his voice is anguished, and I want so much to help him. I cradle him against me the way I would with a small child; a way I've never been able to with Jasper. And the more involved he gets in his memories, the more he looks and sounds like a frightened child. I rock him gently, stroking his hair. "Jasper, baby, it's okay. Everything is okay. It's not your fault. I'm here."

Slowly, my words seem to break through whatever Jasper is experiencing. He tenses for a moment at our position before the fight leaves him. "Mama," he whispers, trembling.

"I'm here sweetheart. It's okay. Mama's got you. You're safe now." He sobs quietly for a few minutes before I feel calm waves, not intended for me but an attempt at calming himself. I rub his back gently, murmuring softly to him until I think he can hold himself together. "Jasper, are you with me?"

He nods slowly. "Yes. I'm sorry. I'm fine."

"Jasper, you have nothing to apologize for. But we both know that saying you're fine doesn't make it true. It's okay to be upset, but if something is so upsetting that you dissociate, I think we need to discuss it." He nods, looking away from me, but stays silent, so I take the necklace out of my pocket. "We can start with something easy. Can you tell me what this is?"

He flinches away from it slightly, his grip on me tightening. "It was my mother's," he whispers.

I open the locket to the picture of the woman. "Is that her?" Slowly, he nods. "Well, normally I respect your personal space, but when you left the way you did, I went to see what upset you so much. I found this on the floor. Is this what triggered that reaction?"

Jasper nods again, his fingers slowly coming up to touch the locket. "I don't know what happened," he says quietly. "But I saw it, and I remembered something from my human life. A memory from when I was very young."

"Okay. What did you remember?"

He looks up at me, a pained expression in his eyes. "It was my fault," he whimpers. "I'm the reason she died." He watches me nervously, as if he thinks I might turn on him now.

Instead, I hug him close. "Oh baby," I murmur, "I'm sorry. Do you want to talk about it?"

Jasper is quiet for a long moment. "I…was bad," he says finally, adopting a more childlike vocabulary. "I knew I wasn't supposed to play in the lake by myself. But I did anyway, and I accidentally went too deep. She heard me yelling and jumped in to save me. But it was too cold. She caught pneumonia." A sound like a wounded animal escapes from his chest. "It's my fault, Esme," he chokes out. "I killed her."

"It wasn't your fault, Jasper. You couldn't have known. It was an accident."

He shakes his head. "If I hadn't been so stupid…so weak…she wouldn't have gotten sick. I knew it was bad. I knew it and I did it anyway. I'm sorry!"

Fearing that he's slipping away from me again, I quickly make him look at me. "Jasper Whitlock Cullen, you listen to me right now. You were a child. You made a mistake, and I'm sorry your mother was taken from you, but it wasn't your fault. It was an accident."

Looking ever more like a frightened child, Jasper looks at me the way a drowning man looks at a life preserver; a bit of hope mixed with disbelief that it could be real. I realize that he expected anger and disappointment from me. He believes he should be punished, and he can't quite believe that I'm not angry. "I'm so sorry Mama," he murmurs. "I just want to be good. I'm sorry."

Though the Jasper in front of me looks the same as ever, I get the feeling that the little boy inside him is the one now speaking, and not the man I've come to know. Looking at him now, the reluctantly hopeful expression, it's clear that what he needs most right now is a mother's comfort. I hold him closely, kissing his forehead gently. "I know, sweetheart. You try so hard to be good. You're not in trouble. What happened wasn't your fault, but you're forgiven. I don't hold it against you, and it's time you forgive yourself. You're not going to be punished for it. It's okay." All at once, Jasper goes limp against me, his breathing evening out. I don't know how long he's waited for absolution, but I'd guess a long time. Exhausted by the effort his memory took, he rests against me quietly, still trembling slightly, and seemingly unable to move. I hold him securely for a few moments before kissing the crown of his head. "Come on honey. Let's go home." He nods slowly, but makes no effort to move, probably because he just doesn't have the strength to.

I pick him up, despite his surprise, and carry him back to the house. His eyes widen as they register the broken glass. "Did…I do that?" he asks.

I nod, and he looks away. "It's alright Jasper," I assure him, "nothing we can't fix. I'm much more concerned about you than the door."

He sighs as I settle on the couch with him. "You don't have to-" he starts, but I shush him.

"You're my son, and I want to take care of you, end of discussion."

He chuckles softly. "Yes Ma'am…" For once, Jasper doesn't fight my proximity. "I am sorry about freaking out like that. It was just such a shock. I panicked."

I nod. "I understand. You don't have to apologize. I was just worried about you. I wasn't sure I was going to be able to pull you back."

"I wasn't so sure of that either," he murmurs. "Thank you, by the way. I don't think I could have done it on my own. Actually, I don't think anyone but you could have."

I hug him gently. "Anytime, sweetheart. Are you going to be okay?"

He nods. "Yeah, I think so. But…I think I'll just stay here for a while…if that's okay."

I smile, brushing his hair back. "Of course it's okay. You just rest for a bit. I'll stay right here." Jasper closes his eyes, going into what he sometimes refers to as his blank state; a reset button of sorts for the times when Jasper becomes too overwhelmed with emotions. It functions almost like sleep for humans, giving him time to return to normal. However, usually he prefers to do it by himself. The fact that he's letting his guard down this way with me still here says a lot about how shaken he is. We stay that way until Carlisle returns from work. "Hello dear," I murmur, kissing him softly. "How was work?"

"Long," he replies, looking at Jasper. "What happened?"

I shrug, hugging Jasper gently. "Rough day, but I think he's going to be okay."

He nods, lightly running his fingers through Jasper's curls. Slowly, the boy blinks up at us. "Oh. Hi Carlisle."

"Hi son. How are you feeling?"

He considers it for a moment. "I'm okay now. I remembered something from my human life that upset me, but Esme helped me through it." He smiles a little, ducking his head. "Thank you again, Esme. I couldn't have done it without you."

I smile. "Well lucky for you, you'll never have to do it without me. Hey Jasper?"

He looks up at me. "Yes ma'am?"

"How would you like to take that walk tomorrow?"

Slowly, he smiles and nods. "I'd like that very much."

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**Well, there you have it folks, my own little contribution to the Jasper/Esme fluff-fest that I think there should be more of. Review and let me know what you think!  
**

**Love,**

**TheSongSmith**


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